SO MANY of my coaching students over the years have come to me with this situation.
“I’ve been going out almost every day approaching women and it’s just not working for me”
At first they find it difficult to get their head around my response, which is always:
After all, they’ve invested so much time and energy into it, this thing they’ve been convinced is eventually going to work if they just keep rolling the dice.
And of course there’s the old “How am I supposed to get girls if I stop approaching them?”.
So let’s break it down here….
Every time you go out to approach women when it’s NOT working, you’re adding another layer to your NEED of women.
All of the most heartbreaking situations I’ve seen men in, the most desperate, needy and BROKEN guys, are the ones who bragged (literally BRAGGED) to me that they’d done 1000+ approaches and they were tracking those approaches on an app or spreadsheet.
I always remember one British guy in particular, who I agreed to meet for a coffee & a chat in Krakow a few years back.
I watched him approach a couple of girls, and the best way I can describe their response to what he was doing was “pity”.
They felt sorry for him.
He had built up his desire for female acceptance so much that he had essentially given himself a mental illness. Broken his own heart by buying into a belief system about women & attraction that is entirely false.
His spreadsheet showed that well over HALF of the numbers he’d collected from girls were fake. Which means that these women felt the brokenness of his heart so strongly that they couldn’t bring themselves to politely turn him down to his face, for fear of him having a meltdown right there on the spot.
Yes he was an extreme case. But this is so common in the daygame “community”.
I took him to the middle of Krakow’s main square, a totally chaotic place in the summer with hordes of tourists. I invited him to close his eyes and just breathe & be as still as possible.
He was completely unable to be still for even a second.
He kept sniggering and gesturing that it was a ridiculous idea, a total waste of time that could be better spent approaching, because his favourite daygame coach had conditioned him to believe that meditation is just a bunch of “woo woo” nonsense.
This poor guy was absolutely not at peace with himself. So deeply lost in a sea of inner chaos. Hence he was completely unable to hold presence with a woman, and was blindly following the advice of “keep approaching, keep working on your skill, attraction is a skill” etc etc.
My advice to him was to STOP approaching.
He refused to accept it.
“If I stop approaching, how am I supposed to meet women?”
- You apologise to yourself and forgive yourself for desperately chasing women and presenting yourself to them in a state of total chaos, giving them absolutely nothing to believe in or be aroused by. Recognise that the only seduction that had taken place was that of YOU being seduced by the daygame coaches and their promises.
- You spend a period of months pursuing that which genuinely pleases you and gives you a sense of true accomplishment so that you can actually begin feeling good about yourself and how your days are unfolding.
- You accept the fact that there is great value in human connection BEYOND just trying to pick up women, and you immerse yourself fully in genuine socialising, taking an interest in other people rather than just what you hope you to get from them.
- As you establish yourself as a true social participant and gain acceptance into communities & hierarchies, begin comparing how you’re being treated by people in general NOW versus when you were living as a full-time daygamer/social outsider… Acknowledge that you were in pain back then and were deliberately hurting yourself because that’s what you felt you deserved. See how easy it is to be accepted (even WANTED) when you choose to show up in the space where real social interaction and energy exchange takes place.
- Go ahead and approach women as much as you want, but NEVER in a planned “daygame” session. ONLY tell the truth to each woman instead of lying about what you’re up to (i.e don’t tell them you’re on your way to meet a friend if you are in fact just wandering around the streets looking for girls to approach). Let them feel who you REALLY are, rather than doing what daygame coaches have taught you to say. Recognise the fact that daygame coaches are by far the WORST people to learn from, as they by definition are the least accepted by women/social outsiders.
- Enjoy the fact women are now getting a much better feeling from you because you no longer absolutely reek of neediness.
I could go on and on.
Unfortunately the above mentioned guy didn’t take a word of my advice.
In fact I saw him on the street here in Warsaw last summer, doing exactly the same thing that was fucking him up 5 years ago.
He was dressed exactly in the style of a relatively well-known daygame coach & blogger. All that belief in somebody else’s way of being, and absolutely none in himself :/
Guys, you’ve got to come from a place of LOVE if you want women in your life.
It’s absolutely imperative to recognise where you’re acting from neediness, from the “abandoned child”, and identify where your behaviour needs adjusting into that of an mature adult male.
Only then can the women you encounter be aroused by you rather than sensing you as a “potential problem person” or drain on their resources (time/energy/love/money).
Peace, love + manhugz
- How to attract women in a POWERFULLY sexy way that makes THEM chase YOU.
- My response to all questions regarding DAYGAME APPROACH ANXIETY.
- The childish behaviour of men who lie to make themselves seem interesting.
- How to drastically improve your daygame results.