The FRIENDZONE: “I really want to be with her and it’s driving me crazy”

So there’s a girl you really like, and perhaps she showed some initial interest in you, but then things began to fall apart and now she’s just treating you like a friend, or even worse, she’s not paying any attention to you at all…

Well, we’ve all been there!

In fact I used to put myself in exactly the same situation a LOT.

I used to work so hard to try to please the women I wanted to be with, including doing things like:-

  • Giving them free rides in my car
  • Helping them with DIY tasks & carrying heavy things
  • Insisting on paying for dinner, drinks & activities (even when I couldn’t really afford it)
  • Being in constant contact, smothering them with attention
  • Being a “shoulder to cry on” when they broke up with with their boyfriends

So much energy, time and money invested, but for little or no returns. Very frustrating and very painful.

That was until i finally figured out what I was doing wrong, and it turned out to be pretty simple.

Because I realised I was essentially behaving like a try-hard needy little child, which is the exact OPPOSITE of a what a woman needs from a GROWN-ASS man.

After that I was able to make a fairly effortless shift in my behaviour which has prevented me being in that awful situation ever again, which I want to break down for you in this article.

“When a woman senses that you’re DEPENDENT on her, she will instantly lose ALL attraction”…

…And that’s because the only children she wants to take care of are those who she has given birth to. And let’s face it – It’s not HER job to clean up the mess your mother left.

Think about it: You’re not as happy as you could be.

And you perhaps think that if a wonderful, pretty, funny, intelligent girl was to accept you as her partner, you would finally feel loved enough to start being able to truly enjoy your life.

Let’s take a look at a message I received this morning from a guy asking for help…

He’s a perfectly decent guy, but he’s making all the classic mistakes: Being a shoulder to cry on, helping her move out, being in constant contact, hanging onto hope after kissing & sleeping with her just once.

Which obviously gave the girl an overwhelming sense of “this guy needs me”.

And it feels like the energy of a little boy to her. Which she doesn’t need.

Because a man isn’t a man until he lets go of the need for a woman’s approval.

When we’re children, we depend on the love, support and care of our mother.

For a lot of men, when we become ADULTS, we tend to MISS that constant love, support and care that our mothers gave. It’s “missing” in our lives.

And so we mistakenly SEEK that feeling from the women we meet.

Which is a BIG mistake. It’s the wrong dynamic.

A grown man should be able to take care of himself. And what I mean by that is that he should already be relatively HAPPY, or at least “OK with himself” before being able to reasonably expect a good quality woman to be want to be involved with him romantically.

There’s no “chicken and egg” situation here. It’s pretty simple:

Nobody wants to be the REASON you’re happy.

Let’s flip the script for a moment…

Imagine you meet a girl and she seems absolutely perfect at.

She’s well educated, funny, great to talk to, great looking, takes good care of herself…

When you’re not spending time together she’s always messaging you telling you what’s doing. Sending photos and funny memes. And it seems fine.

But then you begin to notice something’s wrong.

She’s sad when she doesn’t get to see you.

She’s sending you WAY more messages than you send to her. Sometimes you check you’re phone and there’s 4,5,6 unread messages from her.

And after a few weeks you realise:

“I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS PERSON’S HAPPINESS.”

And it does NOT feel good.

After all, you have your own problems, work, responsibilities etc to deal with, and that’s already enough of a handful.

To be honest, I’ve been a couple of relationships like this. I ended up getting so annoyed with the constant need for attention that I had no choice to break it off.

These days I’ve learned how to do something which women already know how to do: I’m now able to spot “red flag” warning signs of needy behaviour from women, so that I can avoid getting into unhealthy relationships.

The key point here is to understand that women are essentially HARDWIRED to detect needy/dependent behaviour from men.

And so it’s up to you to embrace your adulthood, and work towards become a self-reliant ma, the gift of whose energy COMPLIMENTS what a woman is bringing.

The only way to escape the “friend zone” is to stop putting yourself there in the first place.

A good relationship is a collaboration, where both parties are bringing nourishment. When the balance is heavily skewed, and one person is depending on the other too much, that’s when contempt begins to set in.

So it’s time, as a decent grown mature male to begin identifying your behaviours which are essentially coming from a place of “the desperate abandoned child who wants to be loved”.

The more you identify and eliminate those behaviours, the more you’ll become able to carry yourself as a desirable, capable and compelling man who women will take seriously and WANT to take their place by your side.

And you have my full encouragement and support.

Peace,

DT

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